Inner light even
Diary of an Inner Child part Seven (Seven years on)
By Annielise Stone.
The Diary of an Inner Child blog was written originally seven years ago. The articles spoke of our own inner child how it affects our well-being and constantly keeps us on our toes. For the past week my inner child has been restless again so those of you who know that numbers have great importance in our world and universe and that patterns are created and lead to cause an effect it is obviously time for another insight in to her.
It has been said that the world was created in Seven days. It’s been. Seven years since my last article in the Diary of an Inner Child and to be honest I thought she was acknowledged. Yet here I am with another chapter to add to her wise and interesting thoughts on life, another coincidence/synchronicity is the year 2017.
Intuition guidance a thirst for knowledge, synchronicity chance meetings information and guidance
Synchronicity is the coming together of inner and outer events in a way that cannot be explained by cause and effect and that is meaningful to the observer. — Carl Jung for those of you who may want to read the other chapters of this blog they can be found on the internet or via the Spirit guide network.
In a corner of house in a room could be any room, in any house, down a street, road, lane or. In a town or a city, in a county, any, in any country.
Sat a small child invisible to the naked eye yet, felt every emotion from fear to failure, from hunger to glutton. From, this anger, to hate and not forgetting self- loathing, loneliness.
Along with guilt, frustration and good old jealously. What she wanted was love and kindness self-worth and acknowledgement.
In her head many emotions constantly reared up and yet she wanted to be good some part of her deep, deep, down craved attention. Any attention, good bad, ugly, sad was attention. (You used to be such fun we used to play for hours and now you’re old tired and boring.)
When the box had opened and all the emotions of the world came out and she wanted so hard to hang on to the few the so few good ones (hope, faith, charity and love). However, as she got older they seem to fly out the door and she lost trust such a long time ago she forgotten what he looked like.
Her out body had changed and part of her had moved on she seen many things and her body then separated and gave life to another and then she worried again that another corner of another room was filling up a house in road in a town and the cycle was being all over again.
In her head can be heard a flash of a quote ‘for the sins of my fore fathers’.
Is it her fault again has she stuck her head in the sand and so the insecurities start all over again. She did not want to be the adult she did not want to deal with life or stress or arguments or even face compromise.
Compromise was not her enemy but she given in so many times that she really did not want to go down that pathway again.
It was always cold and dark in the corner the sunshine never quite reached it that was unless she stretches out her tiny hand. Rain was safe it hid the tears. Fog and darkness were best as the shield frightening was in its own way safe. That was the irony of it all. The place she felt safe was the place she hated. The struggle to hide yet to be honest even in full sight she was still not seen.
Seven years on and still the same old things were happening everyday she hoped that she would see some improvement yet the daily bickering and snide remarks about weight still rung in her ears.
Nothing had changed but she had she was older wiser No! The plotters and schemers still enjoyed tormenting the vulnerable. Love was a fairy tale the prince never came and if he did he soon turned into a toad yes she realise it was meant to be a frog. Yet frogs seemed small and toads were brown and bumpy and ugly and soon they made her feel the same.
The weight had piled on the days of lettuce and dust ran out as quick as the New Year’s resolutions to eat healthy and drink less were soon replaced by an old dear reliable friend CHOCOLATE, followed by cake crisp biscuits and a nice bottle of plonk.
Food was comfort it did not answer you back and even though the cravings of sugar sat well on the thighs it was well worth the few minutes of light relief. Yes it was a good but short lasting substitute for love and you could eat it in the bath, while watching your favourite show. It did not care if your hair was a mess that your make up was half off and you had a spot on your chin.
However it did not last long enough and then the guilt set in along with self -loathing. How would anyone find her attractive now she tried so hard? She hated all the mirrors the expensive top she purchased for the perfect beach body would not even go over her head and when she returned to the work place the witches would have a field day.
In the early days when she was younger she was full of hope she believed that she could concur the world that was before she put on 2 stone and now felt fat unloved and unwanted no wonder she was hiding in the corner.
Poor old Inner Child she had her fill. As she glanced up as stream of light caught her attention over the door way she saw a face it look a strong face a reliable face an honest face. He smiled down at her and said
“You look like you had a hard month”
“Thanks for that but to be hones t you don’t looks so hot yourself, your face is green and you look like you are going to be sick”
“Probably, that what happens when you let Ego suggest a drink and you end up on a revolving door?”
She laughed the first time in days. “Look he said without sounding two faced but again that’s a play on words because I can’t really get away with that. My job, purpose is to sit on a door looking into the past my other head looks into the future”.
I have a couple of days left then I review the past till next January when I deal with the Christmas blues the over eaters the end of relationships. The failure of diets, loss of love, friendship due to too much alcohol.
I watch the expensive tops and counting of calories the frustration of work and bittiness of twisted sick toads who were once princes.
She looked again at the face it lit up the cold room it encouraged her to slowly creep out of the corner.
“Soon it will be February the month for Romance and hope and love”
January it is a cold month it’s the start of New Year but not for everyone the
Chinese people are sensible they have a flexible New Year and they have a symbol for that each year.
The Monkey has had his fun. It’s Rooster time.
So now it time to stop being a chicken and be proud like a Rooster.
“Crow girl and shine, strut your stuff come out of the corner inner child”. You’re a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here and whether or it is clear to you. Listen to Desiderata, It is and always will be a beautiful poem it gives you strength and hope.
Every Seven years we all go through changes not only our bodies but relationships, work , people leave, some never come back even though we did nothing wrong. Life is an ongoing struggle the way forward is to celebrate the small things do what makes you happy. Treat others with respect and if they don’t treat you the same then move on. Its Janus job to look back but he also has the good common sense to look to the future. With love hope, faith and charity that popped out of the box. He gives to her Joy! She is little and will celebrate a smile, along with that ray of light that new beginning give encouragement. She holds your hand when you’re nervous. She will let you eat a bar of chocolate and then say right what the goal is. In turn when self- doubt sets in will say time for a new challenge” what’s it today?”
Joy took the child’s hand “ come on” she said.
They both walked toward the door Janus smiled he said "when the rain comes and then the sun out comes Joy the rainbow of life"
She has Angels as friends and her sisters are Hope, Faith Love and Charity.
The Rooster Crowed it was Chinese New Year the red lanterns flooded the sky the parcels and red letters dropped into laps of children. Joy was with Inner Child and would always be at hand to help her through the coming years.
Happy New Year seven years on and still helping our inner child’s to grow. Annielise Stone 28th January 2017
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